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I’m crazy like this,” and then understood that the real work of love is not in the falling, but in what comes after? Alain de Botton: We must fiercely resist the idea that true love must mean conflict-free love, that the course of true love is smooth. The course of true love is rocky and bumpy at the best of times. And one of the things you point out about , one of the things that’s wrong with all of that is that they — a lot of these just take us up to the wedding. And what we call a love story is really just the beginning of a love story, but we leave that out. It was a wise Jewish mother who had said to them, “Men marry women with the intention that they — with the idea that they will the stay the same. He should just know.” [] And you just — what I also know is that grasping this, what you’re talking about, is work. Probably they’re tired, they’re hungry, something’s gone wrong, their tooth hurts, something. So often we blame our lovers; we don’t blame our view of love. Tippett: This right person, this creature does not exist. de Botton: And is, in fact, the enemy of good enough relationships. ” “Well, I just want to have a good enough relationship.” People would go, “I’m sorry your life is so grim.” But you want to go, “No, that’s really good. But also, behind that is the — as you say, these are dark truths, but it’s also a relief, as truth always ultimately is, if we can hear it. I think one of the greatest sorrows we sometimes have in love is the feeling that our lover doesn’t understand parts of us. You may not want to be lonely with over 50 percent, but I think there’s certainly a sizable minority share of your life which you’re going to have to endure without echo from those you love. Tippett: You know, I debated over whether I would discuss this with you, but I think I will. We’re all the time, we are hardwired to seek connections with others. And in the end, what I say to her, did end up saying to her was, “In a way, I’m probably behaving exactly like your father, but just not the father that you saw when he was around you.” Ms. I’m thinking a lot right now these days about how and if we could apply the intelligence we actually have with the experience of love, not the ideal, but the experience of love in our lives, to how we can be as citizens moving forward. If we see charity being exercised, if we see good humor, if we see forgiveness on display, again, it will lend support to those sides of ourselves. And I think it’s also such an important thing to bear in mind that the import of our conduct, moment to moment, that that is having effects that we can’t see. These things are humiliating — little things can deeply wound and humiliate. I want to know — I don’t want to let you go before asking what you think about — what’s your view of online dating because this a new way that so many people, perhaps most people, moving forward are meeting, are engaging this romantic side of themselves. de Botton: At one level, online dating promises to open up something absolutely wonderful, which is a more logical way of getting together with someone.